YNAB- Switching up the Finances

I won a free copy of YNAB 4. I gasped when they called my name. I’d almost taken all the free classes, and I felt to repeat classes simply to keep trying to win would have been dishonest so my chances were almost up and then BAM. Got it.

I have already recommended it to ten other people 1 week into my trial. So, I hope I made up for the loss ;)

But this is about the money honey!

Thing is, I was a total financial mess when I met my (now) husband. Had a pathetic excel sheet that did nothing but keep track of what I owed people and helped me not forget a bill existed. I was living paycheck to paycheck , STILL, even after being in a career x 2 years that had increased my gross yearly income by 20,000 smackaroos. Crazier? I didn’t understand why.

But then my boyfriend (now husband) moved in. Right after a month where I had carefully kept track of how much I spent. We were drawing lines in the sand about who paid what. I showed him my budget. And I can’t ever forget what he said.

“That is a ridiculous amount of money spent on food.”

He had a Masters in Math and knew how to be frugal to the max. And my “budget” wasn’t anywhere close up to snuff. Frankly, three years later, he still thinks I spend too much on food. :smile:

A lot of things happened in the next few months after he moved in. We refinanced my car for a ridiculous interest rate to pay off the other debt I had that had even worse interest rates. He got a job offer out of state and I had to quit my full time job just to stay with him. I had 4 months to get some savings together to prepare for up to a year of unemployment after I arrived. And I managed to bring about 10k! But my spending was still as if I hadn’t just gone unemployed and 5 months into unemployment I was freaking. That “year” of money looked like it was gonna fall short by 5 months. Maybe. But I passed an exam, got a job (very part time) and I was back on track. Whew. I started slamming that car loan with the ridiculous interest rate. Brought it back to the level of “worth of car” and refinanced it for a mere 5.6% (better than 19%!) And paid that off Oct 2013. Wow. I owned my car in entirety. Then, I thought, what next? Well! How about a ridiculously expensive wedding?

……………

Most of us know what THAT looks like. Top it off with the fact that we decided to buy and move into a house TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE WEDDING.

HA. Anywho. We just celebrated our one year anniversary two weeks ago, and have $800 left on a CC from that experience. And I still owe my “friend” for the house down payment. Oh, how much did he loan me? Oh, just about…12,000. Aren’t friends nice? Interest free even.

I figured out in the last three years that because of my partners income and sharing of expenses, I have about 10k a year to put towards things. Whether it be debt, a wedding, a house (but definitely not all at once, I don’t recommend that!)

Why YNAB? I suppose since it’s so awesome, it’s more like why NOT YNAB. But, Well, I went looking for budget software.

My Excel sheet had grown in leaps and bounds regarding all the info I was putting into it. and see… despite using excel, I knew how to do exactly two functions. Subtraction and addition. And making it match my bank account was hours of work every month. I also couldn’t bring it anywhere. IT was on my desktop, sometimes not looked at for a few weeks. I was also generally dissatisfied. I had accomplished a lot, but I wanted to accomplish MORE. I had the equivalent of half a months buffer, but I still felt FEAR regarding forgetfulness. Several high expense emergencies had hit at once, and we handled it, but not without a lot of fretful tears on my part. And a cancelled vacation. Le sigh.

My dog became diabetic and that was nearly $4000 to find out. (ER VET ICU be expensive.)

And my husband lost his salary TA job.

Did I mention both of those happened the same weekend? Yep. Same weekend.

Luckily, he got one more month’s salary out of the deal, and it’s not till August that his lost job really effects us. And now he starts his new job August 18th 2014. So only half a months’ income lost.

My job? I’m an Imaging Technician, PRN. PRN means no health insurance provided, no vacation accrual, no paid sick leave. but I make $5 extra an hour to make up for the lack as compared to my immediate coworkers. I’ve worked hard to be super available, and it’s paid off in that I am essentially half time at this point (still no benefits) and my paychecks don’t vary as badly (2k difference sometimes happened in the past.)

  • With YNAB, there is hopefully no forgetfulness.
    I can bring it with me on it’s APP.
    And reconciliation has been a breeze (after a brief horrible bump 4 days ago. Learning curve. But what are my goals?

You have to have specific goals more, because “accomplish more” is just plain ambiguous.

  1. I want no more CC debt.
  2. I want an unemployment fund that could cover both of us 6 months.
  3. I want to be tear free during our next financial emergency. (Because it will happen.)
  4. I want to be able to give generously to family and charities I believe in.
  5. I want to be able to pay for my associates and bachelors out of pocket.
  6. And a long term goal? Pretty much quit my job when I work on my Masters 4 years from now and live on savings for my share of the household expenses.
  7. Retirement is a fuzzy thing to think about at 27 but that’s a focus I’ll have right after I graduate with my Masters.

Thanks for reading!

~E

Sadistic Urges

Hi, I’m E. I’m a Miss to some, and Milady to others. I hope you enjoy my blog.

If you’re new here, you should know that this blog contains BDSM, kink, poly and gender explorations, and explicit Sadiomasochistic content. All sex and kink acts depicted are between enthusiastically consenting adults. 

 

The first time I was ever sadistic was as a child. It was non consensual, I was merely 12 and poking my younger brother with a broom despite his tears and pleas for me to stop. The feeling was cold, yet pleasurable, in a completely non-sexual way. Was it actually that painful to him? I think it unlikely, but the fact that I was causing his distress intentionally probably was emotionally distressing to him. It’s a tad horrifying to look back on it now, and I have formally apologized to him for it. (he had no recollection of the event, the sweetness of time, I suppose.)

As I slipped into my teens and older, I think my sadism was swept off to the side and ignored unintentionally. Hair pulling, scratching, biting, a slap to the ass or carefully to the face; all that was heat of the moment animalistic fun during sex. Perhaps a few words here and there of naughtiness. Meant to give and heighten pleasure on both sides. I now refer to it as my “warm” sadism.

Then I entered the “lifestyle” as we call it. And met my submissive husband who had fantasies of this and that. We explored some of my cold sadism minorly but it became quite obvious as the “new” wore off hat he could hardly handle my “warm” sadism, and none of the “cold” sadism at all. He is a boy in need of strong hugs, loving touches, a few naughty words. A firm but gentle hair tugging and a spanking is as far as he can go without extenuating circumstances and a special mood neither of us can predict.

I still relish the memory of shoving him nude into cold metal of my refrigerator (probably about 50-60 degrees as I refused to turn on the heat in winter). As punishment for sending my little dog outside without her doggy jacket. “This is what is feels like to be without clothes in the cold. Perhaps you shall remember next time.” The power, the cruelty, the wings of delight fluttering in my chest as my upset got it’s perfectly released expression.

But it was not to be. Swept to the side again it went, and I hardly paid attention to it again until about a year later.

I started talking to a few guys about degradation scenes but it never went anywhere. I did end up taking a good long look at my sadistic self. I put it back to the side with a pat, mollifying myself that someday -it- would come.

Another year passed and I met my second husband, Alastare, and hoped he had a secret masochistic side…but alas, he is not masochistic at all. He’s absolutely submissive, that is certain, but lacks any fetishes. He does submit to pain I give him, but suffers so silently the feedback is about zilch. It’s just plain not enjoyable; at least not in the way I desire it to be. I want moans, and groans, and gasps and…

9 months later and I met a sweet masochist. It was weird, but I couldn’t hardly even find my sadistic self at this point. I had to read things and seek out images just to light up that engine again. But just when I was starting to mentally churn the images and scenarios of degradation and pain I wished to subject him to, I realized he was not for me and I was not for him. I need to feel safe emotionally inside as well as outside a scene to release that side of myself. Although it seemed I could be “safe” inside a scene, outside of what little play we did was near constant anxiety.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been a Sadist with nothing but mild temporary outlet for 14 years, but I can’t seem to let those scenarios be swept off to the side this time.

I want to hurt someone. I’m driving down the road, and suddenly daydream about backhanding someone so hard they fall to the ground. I want to make him wear muddy clothes and scrub the floors chained to a pole as every now and then I come round to kick him and make him wince from terrible terrible words I state to him. I want to slap him, I want him to cry until the snot mixes with the mud until finally, after many many hours, he curls up in a ball while I kick him and he just moans and sobs and refuses move. Then I want to pull him by his hair or clothes and push him into a tiny cage and shake it before leaving him in the dark.

I want… I want… I want..

Sigh. but I guess I don’t need. and there is no outlet. I suppose it’ll just take longer to put this urge to the side this time.

M.E.

Rules for “Consideration.”

Hi, I’m E. I’m a Miss to some, and Milady to others. I hope you enjoy my blog.

If you’re new here, you should know that this blog contains BDSM, kink, poly and gender explorations, and explicit Sadiomasochistic content. All sex and kink acts depicted are between enthusiastically consenting adults. 

 

This is rather super specific for a certain someone in mind.

————-

You acknowledge that you are free to reject now or later renege on this verbal agreement if you choose. You also acknowledge that doing so may result in my decision to demote our current relationship to a more acceptable level, refuse to negotiate on my needs, or sever further contact.

1. Appearance:
A. You are to shave just before leaving your residence or before my arrival. For visits exceeding six hours, bring a razor and expect to shave again for my kissing comfort.
B. Wear a non-print button up with slacks OR T shirt and Jeans OR discuss other combinations with me before hand.
C. I am sensitive to perfumes and have allergic reactions to chemicals. Use less or no hair conditioner, use less or different laundry detergent, and use a scentless shaving cream or the provided soap for shaving needs.
D. So long as my preferences for your head hair does not cause work or health problems, I will choose the length of hair I desire on your person.

2. Consumption:
A. Ask permission before drinking alcohol
B. Eat 100% Vegetarian and be as Vegan as possible.
C. Take your vitamin
D. Drink tea, not coffee.

3. Speech:
A. Women and Ladies are not “girls.” Any use of that term is an insult.
B. No Sexist remarks
C. No boasting about play or sex is ever to be done.
D. You will text a “Good Morning,” And a “Good night” at the appropriate times while you are conscious.
E. No comments will be accepted that can be misconstrued as pressuring me into body access, sex, or play.
F. Miss is my title; use it always unless in Vanilla Company
G. I am not so high protocol that you cannot gently remind me of a mistake. All corrections will be made in a respectful fashion. Mocking and condescension, even when “joking”, will not be tolerated.
H. When in doubt, Thank your Miss; especially when warranted.

4. Limits:
A. No Scat, urine, catheter play, enema play, financial domination, adult baby play, docet, forced bi, needles, cutting, kids, animals, breath play, true non consent, cheating, or lying will be done between us
B. I do not consent to sex of any kind until six months after your last sexual event and negative STD/STI tests.

5. Chores:
A. Load Dishwasher, if needed
B. Take out trash, if needed
C. Wipe counters, if needed
D. Contribute dinner item for mutual meal
E. Prep vegetables for meal
F. Clear and set table for meal.

6. Actions and Various Miscellaneous Rules of Appreciated Submission:
A. Appreciate my attention and verbally say so. See 3-H.
B. Read Articles and Discussion I link you to. Share your thoughts on them. This is my trying to be close to you, get to know you.
C. Work with me. If a requests feels impossible or cannot be done, offer an equivalent alternative. “No.” Requires explanation and discussion.
D. Try and be part of my family. They are all great intelligent people who can be wonderful friends.
E. Realize that if you do not respectfully bring a need of yours to my attention, I am not rude of inconsiderate for not being aware of that need. You’re allowed to bring it to my attention.
F. Read a minimum of 10 pages per day of Uniquely Rika until completion. Discuss thoughts on what you’ve read.
G. Pause CollarMe during consideration.
I. Don’t invalidate my emotions.
J. If I decide to punish you, no arguments. Punishment usually consists of temporarily banishing you from my presence.
K. Make Fetlife profile so that I may share information with you.
L. For one hour per week, we will discuss this relationship agreement. Not argue about it.

7. Finances:
A. Information about your financial state will be provided to me. That includes Debt, cash on hand, and bank account balance.
B. No gifts are to be purchased for my benefit.

8. Visit/”Dates”:
A. Every Wednesday from 4pm or earlier until 10pm or later. UNLESS WORK INTERFERES.
B. Two Wednesdays a month, you must stay the night. UNLESS WORK INTERFERES.
A. Two Sundays every month, you must attend our Family Sunday Brunch. UNLESS WORK INTERFERES.

9. Events:
A. If I am attending/organizing events that month, you are required to attend a minimum of two events every month.
B. You will be given one week notice of the event, or requirement to attend will be void.
C. You are free to choose which two events you attend out of the several presented. It is your responsibility to take your work needs into account.
D. I have a preference for the ClubFEM Munch and 1 veg event.
E. You are allowed to cancel attendance with 3 days notice given or in case of emergency.
F. If cancellation option is utilized, you will then choose a suitable replacement event to meet the Two event requirement unless otherwise excused.

10. Relationships:
A. Seeking out new partners will indefinitely be paused during consideration on BOTH sides. This gives respect and mutual devotion to a growing relationship.
B. My orders will always be a priority over other dominant partners’s orders. If any conflict arises, default to my rules.
C. Sex of any kind with others than myself will cease within 3 months of successful Consideration. Non sexual play may continue with anyone.

11. Addendum and Other Written Here after discussion with understanding that original is the Ideal to which both of us will work towards:
M.E.

A Venting Post

Hi, I’m E. I’m a Miss to some, and Milady to others. I hope you enjoy my blog.

If you’re new here, you should know that this blog contains BDSM, kink, poly and gender explorations, and explicit Sadiomasochistic content. All sex and kink acts depicted are between enthusiastically consenting adults. 

I had a wonderful weekend. I felt loved. I felt happy. I felt like I had all the time in the world, and two wonderful men in my life. Perhaps even a third.

It was followed by a not so great week and Thursday, Friday, and most of Saturday was just pretty darn awful. M, the man I call my second husband, was having doubts. And rather than talk to me, he shut me out for near three days. It was pretty excruciating. I’d feel numb, anxious, grieving, and then hopeful, before I started the cycle again. My husband C., listened  to my tearful worries, and comforted me as only he knows how.

We had argued about a decision regarding M’s family. We disagreed on the choice of action. I expressed my emotions, but didn’t actually plan on ordering him to do otherwise, as rationally, I agreed that what he was doing was reasonable. I just don’t like changes of plans. And then radio silence.

On Saturday, M came to visit and we discussed his doubts. I had some concerns as well. We had postponed a collaring because of his issues with poly over a month ago, but he’d stated frequently that he was fine over Poly over that time. So, I wasn’t sure of what the hold up was. I was waiting for him to ask to become my beloved property; and he hadn’t done so.His doubts were whether he was Vegan enough, Submissive enough, whether I would keep him from important family things. I let him read the contract of mutual D/s commitment. After the discussions came to their conclusion, I said we should take another month to consider each other; if all is well, I hope the question will be forthcoming on his part, and if so, he can put in a transfer for his moving here to become part of our family permanently. The peaks and valleys of any relationship.

On the front of the third gentleman, I am so back and forth on him. When we’re together, we have a good time. But when we’re apart, that’s the trouble. Especially when I’m too busy myself to attempt a connection. Timing was off this last weekend in that I was very busy and dealing with M, and as a result, gave very very little attention to maintaining a connection via text message with A. But it wasn’t just time; I was emotionally strapped and didn’t have any extra to give to anybody who wasn’t in my face. ha! I would have hoped that A would know I wasn’t intentionally ignoring him and that I was dealing with a heavy work schedule and high emotions with M, but he doesn’t seem to have understood and forgiven me on the matter as of our last conversation where he accused me of rebuffing his affections. It boggles me, because I am very afectionate and frequently stating a desire to see him more often. I have also expressed a desire on his part to reciprocate text affection and conversation. Again; poor timing. He does as I asked but at a temporarily complicated time and he then feels his efforts were for nothing.

It doesn’t help that our affection styles and needs seem to be different. I want more, he’s satisfied. I want lots of verbal back and forth flirting, and he thinks he’s good if he throws out a compliment sporadically. He showers me with physical affection when I’m with him, which is assuring and pleases me, but I don’t get that but once a week. His pessimism also really bothers me. And whether he was just tipsy, or just plain drunk, he made some poor comment choices. I worked hard to get where I was; was even in a pretty bad depression when I was temporarily unemployed while studying for a new professional licence. I guess I just feel like his motivation is similar to a floundering fish. He lies there breathing for a while, jumps to attempt a change, but remains unsuccessful and just goes back to breathing. Sigh. I feel that I am losing respect for him. Pessimism is bad enough, but lack of motivation and drive to attempt a positive change kills romantic chances. Coupled with an unintentional insult on his part, and this situation may crash. Not everyone I date will be with me forever, and I suppose I have to wrap my mind around the concept.

Prior to A, I’d always decided by date three if I liked a person enough to bother. So it’s new, for me, to have gotten this far and decide that maybe we’re not suited for each other.

M.E.

How long has it all been “working.”

Hi, I’m E. I’m a Miss to some, and Milady to others. I hope you enjoy my blog.

If you’re new here, you should know that this blog contains BDSM, kink, poly and gender explorations, and explicit Sadiomasochistic content. All sex and kink acts depicted are between enthusiastically consenting adults. 

I’ve been in mono poly relationships since November 20120; a smidge over 3 years for my legal husband, 11 months with my boyfriend or “Second Husband” as I’ve been calling him lately.

These relationships were Mono-poly from the start. My husband, C.,  told me I could have as many boys as I wanted before we were even officially dating. I’m open to the idea of his not being monogamous, but he says multiple relationships are way too much work. Pleasing one woman is enough for him. ;) When I found my boyfriend, he was aware of the upcoming nuptials to my first husband and that I would never change. I have similarly encouraged him to see others if he wishes, but he feels about the same way as my first husband. Too much work, he doesn’t have the time or energy for a second partner, I fill him up completely etc. I feel what has been making things work are a variety of things, and they aren’t always actions. I think a lot of it has to do with mindsets and personalities. 

Mono: Patience on the part of my monogamous partners. This is something you can train yourself to have with effort if you’re lacking, but with both of my partners, they have it naturally in spades. Also,  not being too incite-able to strong negative emotions has been a bonus of their personalities that I’ve benefited from. They are slow to anger, rarely feel resentment, and I don’t think my first husband is capable of an ounce of jealousy.

Poly: The ability to proactively make them feel special and appreciated is a skill that I have to have as a poly person. With my second husband, I’ve had to improve or ramp it up lately as I consider dating a third person. Something I naturally have as part of my personality is being totally transparent. Being thus about a guy I like from day 1, when he is merely a crush, to day 330 when they are a full blown second husband is something I think my partners are appreciative of. Why? because they can see my happiness as well as my doubts. If I can doubt this new person, then this new person is not capable of perfection in my eyes and “replacement” and “abandonment” fears are decreased.

All of us:Loyalty and supportive tendencies among all of us. I wasn’t sure about my second husband until he started standing up for my first husband. Also, my natural inclination to always have my way is a tad selfish but I’ve managed to sacrifice now for later in making sure that I go at the speed my second husband needs so he can move forward on some educational goals before moving in.

We’re a poly V first, but being family is a close second, and backstabbers aren’t welcome.

M.E.

A Bump in the Road

Hi, I’m E. I’m a Miss to some, and Milady to others. I hope you enjoy my blog.

If you’re new here, you should know that this blog contains BDSM, kink, poly and gender explorations, and explicit Sadiomasochistic content. All sex and kink acts depicted are between enthusiastically consenting adults. 

I was listening to a podcast today about polyamory. It said one of the most common newbie mistakes was not knowing and then not sharing the specifics of their polyamorous desires. A couple of boyfriends VS a poly household of 4+ adults and 18 kids. Big differences. Both poly. But later in the same pod cast, when speaking about those who rushed, is that you shouldn’t get so focused on an end goal; because there isn’t one. Enjoy the romance, take it at just the right speed, and feel out what may trigger a negative emotional reaction  before the stakes are too high.

I had tried to be so careful. Crystal clear in expectatons, goals, comfort levels, needs vs desires. I can keep anyone else’s secret but I can’t keep my own and I don’t want to. My thoughts come unfiltered more often than not. And asking my partners how they felt. Checking in. Assessing reactions. Even discussing hypothetical issues they may have as monogamous men with a polyandrous woman. I joined a forum just about mono people falling for poly people and all the difficulties they faced regarding the transition. Everything was going so smoothly. No nicely. Every now and then I thought the transition for my second partner seemed far too easy but I would check in and he would reassure me that he was fine and happy, no problems.

And then two days ago, he sat next to my lounging body on the couch. I gazed up into his eyes, feeling the love, a creep of desire. My mind trailed off to bedroom games and then–

“I can’t do it.” He murmured. I froze,not quite understanding his meaning but fear replacing desire readily.

He couldn’t handle my dating people outside of my husband.  I don’t quite recall what I said in reply, but I kept my head even as my heart was sinking. And when my husband meandered by, I called a timeout on the discussion so I could “freak out” all over my husband about it. He said that they’d just been discussing something along those lines while working outside, but that he hadn’t thought the depth of the conversation would lead to such a strong statement minutes later.

“But C,” I cried, “I’m poly because I never want to say goodbye to the people I love.”

WE reconvened at the dining table and I pulled out a notepad. “Tell me how you feel.” I said to my boyfriend. And he started speaking.

He felt unhappy, uneasy, and most of all, superfluous. I latched onto the last sentiment as that was something unambiguous. To be unneeded, too much, extra. Not Special. And that feeling of “special” I feel is quite necessary for anyone in a romantic relationship to maintain happiness.

It’s backed down from a sudden deal breaker to something we will work on. I am determined not to hear the death knells of this relationship. I nearly “proposed” to him in my own way; the collar is ordered. But for now, when it arrives, it will remain on the shelf until we’re both sure he’s ready to wear it.

Dating Poly Style. Difficulty level: Hard.

Hi, I’m E. I’m a Miss to some, and Milady to others. I hope you enjoy my blog.

If you’re new here, you should know that this blog contains BDSM, kink, poly and gender explorations, and explicit Sadiomasochistic content. All sex and kink acts depicted are between enthusiastically consenting adults. 

http://freaksexual.wordpress.com/

This is my thoughts over the following except in the above blog.

It’s a Small Scene

“….it can be really hard to find people who are up for something other than monogamy. This is true even if you just want some people to talk to on the subject who are not horrified by the thought. But it gets much worse when you are looking for people to date or have sex with. There are of course the usual concerns around whether they are attracted to you and you are attracted to them, which already cuts the number of possibilities down to a fraction of the people you meet. If you are looking for people who are not monogamous, that slashes the number of potential partners in your circles by another couple orders of magnitude. If you are looking for a particular type of nonmonogamy (poly, swinging, open, kinky) then the situation is even worse, since you have to find people looking for the same thing.”

“Monogamous people are generally used to being able to date pretty much anyone who takes their fancy and is available, since most other people are monogamous. So, monogamous people often end up getting involved with co-workers, people they meet at the gym or on the plane, neighbors, and so on. Nonmonogamous people rarely have that luxury, because our neighbor has at best a one in twenty chance of being one of us. Once you pile on all the other things that can narrow the search (like gender, mutual attraction, and situation) then dating random people that you run into becomes somewhere between difficult and impossible.”

“This can come as quite a shock to someone who is used to dating in a monogamous world. Indeed, many people who decide they want to be nonmonogamous take a long time after that decision to actually end up in a situation where they are involved or having sex with more than one person. I am not talking about two weeks: three months to a year is more common. The delay is due to a learning curve, where the person new to nonmonogamy has to effectively re-learn how to date due to the new situation, and in particular has to learn how to cope with a severely limited dating pool.””

“To give yourself a sense of what these numbers actually mean, take a minute and remember all the people you have dated or had sex with in your formerly monogamous life (assuming you had such a life). Think about all the effort involved in finding those compatible people. Now, imagine that only one in ten of those people was actually compatible with you, which is what we are dealing with (optimistically) when you take all the monogamous folks out of the picture. How much harder would you have had to search to find those partners? How much more effort would you have had to put in? Are you getting a sense of the scale of the issue?”

“while there are plenty of nonmonogamous people, we are still rare in relation to the overall population. Picking each other out of the crowd is difficult, and made more difficult by the fact that most nonmonogamous people do not advertise their habits, typically out of fear for their jobs or similar closeting reasons.”

3 years into the lifestyle, what I’ve wanted out of future relationships has changed. I really have relaxed a lot of requirements that I carried into poly. At the same time, because every aspect of my life seems to be alternative and are things I’m passionate about, I still rarely find people that make me comfortable enough to fall for them.

I’m a vegan, and internally, not externally, militant about it. I’m also a moderately conservative libertarian, but I choose not to involve myself, for the most part, in voting/politics. Then I’m a heterosexual female. A dominant female with no switching capabilities. A sadist. An introvert homebody.

I live in Kentucky, which is super big on hunting/fishing, horse racing, eating KFC, and even restaurants that open selling foie gras. Nonetheless, I’m active in what little of the vegetarian/vegan scene there is. Vegans tend not to be abundant supply here. There are some 100% vegetarians and even more flexetarians with strange nutritional focuses like how you have to eat local organic everything or you’re poisoning yourself… The 100% vegan males I’ve met are super athletically active and want partners of similar activity and I’m just… not. Then there are politically active liberals who really think “Doctors should work for free if they were truly nice people not wanting to profit off the sick…” That statement just boggles my mind. Of this Veg minded group, few are single (lot of marrieds), and I’ve guessed that many aren’t poly. Since I’m partially in charge of the group, I try not to hit on the people who come. Feels like a bastardization of my responsibilities to be using events that I organize as a dating pool. It’s not really that sort of environment. But I did crash and burn with an attempt at another Veg minded group up in Ohio. He was vegan, he was intelligent, and he was monogamous to his girlfriend. ^;^

When I focus on just finding nice intelligent poly people, I run into hedonists with a harem. I don’t mind and am happy about the girlfriends/wives because that shows they’re capable of maintaining a loving relationship. Having partners of their own, that means to me they have about as much time as myself to have a relationship. However, they are also totally good with FWB and one night stands…. the flippancy and casual behavior about sex triggers severe discomfort for me that I can’t currently emotionally overcome.

Submissive men okay with poly, I deal with distance issues a lot.  If that’s not an issue, it’s that my flavor of D/s doesn’t match with their flavor of D/s. Or we don’t get to that point of even trying to find out if our D/s matches before they say something so ignorant about veganism that I’m totally turned off…

So, recap

  • veg inclined people that are too liberal/athletic/not the kind of weird I can get along with
  • Poly inclined people that are too “free loving”.
  • Submissive inclined people that are too ignorant to save or just into bedroom games -not D/s.

I’d also like it if they were:

  • capable of self supporting transportation, even if it’s the bus
  • have at least a part time job unless they’re in school
  • not already dating a dominant person

And I’ve just minused 99.9% of the locals. ^u^ Most of that 0.1% left aren’t, thus far, on Fetlife/Collarme/OKC. Who knows, they may join in the next months-years.

I have literally met two vegetarians in the scene that are veg/poly/subs and am unaware of their political leanings but I also won’t be one of two dominant partners… and they had Dommes. Maybe that’s something I’ll let go of, but at the moment, I’m sticking with it.

But honestly, not much to complain about considering I already have two committed relationships. I’m just giving supporting evidence in my personal experience with poly dating of the quoted excerpt.