Poly what? Definitions and benefits

E here. I’m Miss to some, Milady to others. I hope you enjoy my blog.

If you’re new here, you should know that this blog contains BDSM, kink, poly and gender explorations, and explicit Sadiomasochistic content. All sex and kink acts depicted are between enthusiastically consenting adults. 

Polyamory. Poly fidelity in my case, polyandry more specifically. If you’re unsure about the terms, here is wikipedia to the rescue.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory

Without the clicky:

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Poly fidelity (Closed Poly or Group Marriage)–which involves multiple romantic relationships with sexual contact restricted to only specific partners in the group (which may include all members of that group)

Polyandry refers to a form of marriage in which a woman has two or more husbands at the same time.

In the past, I wanted a triad of fluid bound committed partners; akin, to me, to two husbands.  And if my sadism can not be satisfied within these loving relationships, a non sexual masochistic play partner. It’s now the present, and even after 3 years in the lifestyle, I never found a play partner I wanted to hurt in the first place that gave me back the energy I was putting in as a top. So maybe play partners don’t work for me. Maybe I need a masochistic someone I can trust enough to be sexual with. I’m trying to stay open minded. It’s a battle when you can fall back on what’s comfortable so easily.

Some activities I would not consider “cheating” on the Closed poly group: such as voyeurism, exhibitionism, impact play, non sexual service.

If you count cheating husbands/wives as polyamorous, then you would be wrong. This is not what it’s about. Some poly family’s are quite alright with transient singles coming in and out of their life every few months- I think this one would be easier to find. It is absolutely not what I want. I keep in mind that life can’t be planned. But perhaps I have more control over my emotions than I thought. I’ve turned down perfectly good poly guys because they were just too casual about sex.

When I first began, I had not gotten a third partner to even be sure that polyandry was something that would make me happy. I did enjoy the fact that I could talk to any boy I wanted without any emotional jealousy on the part of my now husband, C. And if I had a crush on someone, C. was like “Yay!” not, “Awww… “But from the moment I’ve met my boy, he’s encouraged a poly relationship. He’s the one that put the idea into my head

My husband, C’s, thoughts on the matter:

I am trying to come up with an explanation of why I am just instinctively accepting of polyamorous relationships. I have described the idea to friends who found it extraordinarily bothersome. The nature of the problems people have can be summed up in two questions: Aren’t you disgusted by the idea of another person of the same gender sexing with your partner? and Why would a self-confident man or woman accept that they are not enough for their partner? The first question is easy for me to answer personally: I’m fairly bisexual; and My Lady has very good taste in boys. In any case, I don’t own my partner’s sexuality; if he or she wants sex with other people enough, they don’t have to let me remain with them. I actually find it very strange that so many sexual relationships are built on the exchange involved in monogamy.
The second question is more complicated. Indeed, it would be cool if I were so incredible at sex that any partner wouldn’t imagine being with someone else. It would also be cool if I were so good at cooking that my partner wouldn’t eat anyone else’s food; concentrating on the first of these Focuses the relationship on sex. The details of sex acts — when, how, with whom, etc. — defines whether the relationship is succeeding. I’m proud enough of myself, in fact, that I’m confident that I can bring many other good things to a relationship. Even if I were not providing sex, even if someone else were having sex with my partner, my contribution would still be considered worth continuing a romantic relationship. ~ My husband, C.

Now I’ve been with two men at the same time for 10 months. Poly is absolutely for me. Good to get that settled? ^u^

C. wants me to be served. He wants me to realize my dreams and fantasms! and also because it makes something very clear: he belongs to me but I don’t belong to him and he doesn’t want it any other way.

In our situation, more than one boy can be a real benefit. I have a career that still leaves me a lot of free time, whereas my husband C. wants a grand career and is working on his time consuming P.h.D. to do it. When he’s off doing his thing, and I’m at home, I still want to be served, make love, and hurt cute boys occasionally. Although, I do have plenty of solo hobbies of my own; I don’t have to rely on others to keep my mind entertained.

Another benefit of poly is my sadism. I really like the idea of being just an absolutely harsh taskmistress to a male ‘slave’ masochist. I’m a sadist that has yet to find out where my glass ends- I only get a sip now and then and even then, only certain flavors. I’ve gotten to explore some sadistic tendencies with my boyfriend M. But as he’s not a masochist, just a supremely submissive guy with a high pain tolerance, it doesn’t give me the same thrill.

“I find that it is less complicated if there is only one Matriarch/Head-of-home in our family, so mine are monogamous to me.” ~ Random Internet person

Both C. and M. are monogamous to me of their own free will. I used to not be able to stand the idea of their being with others. Now, I wouldn’t mind and may even enjoy it; but I still want to be the “Head of Home”. The only dominant partner, the only person who can tell you to jump and you not only must, you NEED to jump; for me and what we have.

So, my idea is that they are all D/s mono to me, but can be poly -within- the family, with my blessing, and potentially have boyfriends/girlfriends of their own that we carefully accept into the fold. My boy is bisexual- I would enjoy watching that. We share a fantasy of two boys whom serve ME being intimate with each other to show off to me for my enjoyment. But he currently admits he doesn’t have the time to start another relationship of his own, and I’m certainly not recruiting for him. ^u^ No unicorn hunters here.

Other benefits:

- No two people are the same. If there are three or four people in a household it minimizes the time each has to devote to chores and allows more time for self improvement and play…as well as each will have a higher standard of living as only one residence would be needed.

- Strong Poly ‘family’ ties and support. The larger it is the stronger it is. There can something very warm and secure to be in a large ‘family’ knowing it is us against it all. To have that takes work, hard work, but it can be worth it. I recognize that some people have blood family and a plethora of good friendships. But my blood family is far away and I’m not totally out of the closet. And I find friendships difficult; I put in a lot of energy into relationships, even platonic ones, and those I’ve encountered thus far are not as invested.

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